Fear is such an ambiguous term. Hear me out.
Fear means something different to every single person. For example, when you get scared do you fight? Runaway? or are you like me which means you drop and cry?
Either way, we see right here that fear ignites different parts of our bodies to do different things. Which means we feel fear differently. It can be all-consuming and at times it can also feel like a friend, a safe place, and our comfort. Fear is meant to make us balance our logical and emotional side, but somehow when enough fear is introduced into the system we get that overwhelmed feeling, and then in turn we stay stuck.
Let's Chat.
I had someone talk to me this week who assumed I was not afraid of my medical condition. It hit me in a different spot that I needed to sit down and write because it's quite literally the opposite. In my first year of being sick, I was honestly too ill to deal with the emotional side of things (and yes I use that as an excuse) when in reality I was too scared to deal with it. Because dealing meant accepting, but getting to acceptance meant FEELING everything in between. My thought process on the subject was if I didn't talk, think, or deal, then the reality wasn't there (healthy coping eh?)
Eventually, life forced me to deal we all know the story. It was messy, ugly, terrifying, and resulted in months of a deep depression. I remember telling people during that time, "this is what I was afraid of" and then... AND THEN my sweet grandma said something that has stuck with me. She said, "You were afraid to admit you are human?"
I was dumbfounded.
Did my 95-year-old grandma just verbally kick my ass?
Yes. She did.
And I needed it.
Now you do too.
What is fear stopping you from doing right now?
Telling someone you love them?
Asking for help?
Taking a new class? Cutting your hair? Starting a business?
Having a child?
What is fear stopping you from? It's stopping you from the human experience. Simple as that. Much like Thanos fear is an inevitability. It's part of life. Fear is doing something different. It's the first time you took a step. Your first kiss. Fear is that moment when things come crashing down. Fear is with us 24/7.
So, how do we act while we are scared?
Working with Fear 101 (According to Shay!)
Like I said earlier fear is our bodies' way of making us take time to balance the process. We as humans act from a place of emotion almost all the time. Fear just sits and asks that we put a little logic into our thought process. It's helpful when used correctly. So I'm going to take you through my method of how I've overcome fear in many different areas. You're not going to want to hear this.. so be ready before you continue to read.
Action.
About 7 years ago I started training parkour. I was ready to compete, loved to jump, and learning to flip was a cherry on top. I was great, and I mean great at everything pretty naturally. I could jump high and far, and I was decently strong. Standing I usually could jump about 5-6 feet across. Well one day we were on top of a structure and the gap was 3 feet (yes basically a step) but we were 50ft off the ground and I could see the ground. There was nothing to catch me. I PANICKED. Like I'm talking hyperventilating, freaking right the F out type panic. I knew I had this in me, but I couldn't get over the 0.000001% chance that I messed it up.
I didn't do the jump that day. I walked away. (which is fine to do but hear me out) I was sad because I KNEW I had it in me but I chose to let fear stop me from doing something I loved.
I went back to the gym and started training jumps at height. I started with a foot, then went to 5, and so on and so forth until I was ready to face that building jump. The next time I saw it I was still scared shitless. Took me about 10 minutes to work up the nerve and I did so by talking it out.
I said things like, "What's the worst that could happen?"
and other things like "Do I believe in myself"
Okay, BOOM. We are here.
How do you make a choice while terrified? just that. you ACT.
I always ask myself "What's the worst that could happen" And I mean it in an honest and sincere way. When I go to talk to a client, what's the worst?
When I'm jumping out of a plane? What's the worst.
Figuring out the scary dark worst part of it all makes the rest of it seem so easy and it gives you something to act on. If the worst is failing, losing money, or maybe looking like a fool let's flush it out.
1) No one who is calling you a fool for trying has your best interests at heart.
2) You can always make more money
3) Why is failing bad?
You see when take the darkness out of fear you see the protective method of fear, and you can talk yourself through the scaries.
When I first started MTX and 6-MP (Chemo medications) I cried. I sobbed into my pillow. I cried in the shower, I cried in public, and I cried out of fear. I was scared. I knew I needed the medications but I was not ready to have them in my body. I spent the next 5 days going over every single side effect, both positive and negative I could find. I searched for scary things online to know when to stop the medication, and I looked up success stories. Fear helped me learn more about my body, medications, and how to understand who I was. I made my choice with emotion, logic, and fear perfectly present.
I choose to act WITH fear present. I ask myself hard questions, I put myself in positions to learn and grow. But most importantly I believe in myself and who I am. There will always be things to fear in our lives, but we can either allow it to stop us in our tracks, or push us to where we need to go. The choice is yours.
I believe in myself, I know who I am and what I'm capable of. I know I'm a riser. I rise to the occasion of just about anything. If I listened to just fear I wouldn't be where I am today. The worst part of fear is that feeling I had when I didn't make the jump. I KNEW I could do it, and I allowed something else to stop me. I'm willing to not do something if it's a choice my logical brain makes. But I'll be dammed if I allow my emotional side to run and ruin everything. I don't want to be the same person I was last month
or last year. I want to continue to push myself in all areas. Fear is just part of the package, and it's not a bad part. Being scare is part of being human, but allowing fear to stop you, takes away from the human experience.
So... 2 questions.
What are you afriad of?
What's the worst that can happen?
