2019 has been a year. For everyone, not just me. This world has gone through hell in 2019. I'm pretty confident when I say that whatever the universe is cooking up.. it's going to hit, and hit hard. Somehow we are all getting prepared to be the people we need to be.
But, that comes with a ton of subtraction, and loss.
This year I've hit my absolute lowest for self confidence I've ever had in my life and because of that it's like I've been rebuilding this person with whom I'm discovering along the way. In the past I knew all the tricks to make myself feel loved. Take myself out to cheap Tuesdays. Go to an open gym at a gymnastics club, grab my dancing partner and tear up the floor. Active Shay really loved rock climbing, and on the really bad days, I'd hit the gym, then climb, then yoga, and then take Alibi out.
Bam. Self love.
But was it really?
I think it was self medication.
Let me explain.
Everything I was doing helped me "process" my emotions, without giving me time to deal with them. Then life slowed me down, and like the waves of the ocean every single emotion came up. Then with further health complications I lost what I thought my body should be like. How do we re find love with a body that we don't think is us anymore?
Here's my best shot at solving that, but I'd also love to hear what other people have to say.
1) Stay Present.
It's SO easy to look back at old photos and videos to remind yourself of what once was, however that's not going to help your mental state. Look in the mirror. Right now in this moment this is how you are. Don't compare yourself to others, but don't compare yourself to your past self either. Drop the expectations. Honestly, I have sucked at this. All I've been doing is throwing myself a pity party. I've been mourning my "old body" how it looked, how useful and strong it was. The way I felt. How I could wear anything. (I understand a lot of this is in my head but still. It's a hard mental gap to jump.)
2) Cut yourself some slack.
Whatever it is that your body, or your mind is going through (or has gone through) it's impressive you are still standing. From giving birth, to depression, from poor health choices to critical health conditions, we are all dealing with a battle and just because you see someone else's as "worse" don't discredit what you are your body are going through. I've spent many nights being angry that my body isn't working the way I think it should. But today something clicked. The way I talk to Alibi. "Come here alibi, thank you" "You're such a good boy" "Good job buddy" over the smallest things I'm his biggest cheerleader. Let's start working on saying that to ourselves. I'm trying to look myself in the mirror and tell my body thank you ever single day. This body fought for its life and survived. This body lost 12 pounds of muscle in 11 days, and I'm building it back. Cut yourself some slack.
3) Surround Yourself With a Support System
I consider myself the most lucky girl in all the land because I fell into the best support system of my entire life, and I'm even luckier because my support spans 2 countries, and each person has my love. Though not all support systems are blood, or significant others, find your people. You need them. It's 2019, it's okay to admit you need help. You need the person that will remind you that you are beautiful when a rash covers 35% of your skin. You need the people that drive 12 hours for a quick weekend. You need the people who text you constantly to check in on you. Accept it. Embrace it. If you don't feel you have it, shoot me a message on instagram and I promise you I will be that person. @shayrigg.
Moral of the story, it's okay to look at the broken pieces of your life and not love them. It's not okay to stop trying to love yourself. Find what works for you. A lot of it, as I'm reminded is the way we speak to ourselves. Talk to yourself like you would a puppy.
Let's all try it together. #selfpuppytalk.
"good girl shay, you did it."
"I'm so proud of you shay, you answered that work call."
"Shay, come cuddle."
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