Do I have what it takes?
I've asked myself that about 879,032,541 times over the past 2 years, and in the course of my life... I know I've asked it even more than that.
Being self-employed is not an easy task, it's giving up partying on weekends, it's staying home to plan work, or to onboard a client. It's dealing with clients who preach one thing and practice another. It's knowing who you are in and out of the business.
Being self-employed holds a mirror up to you and somehow shows you all your flaws in between helping you see your worth. It's choosing where to spend your money, and it's always protecting your time. It's your brain never turning off, and dreaming about your clients. It's equal parts exhausting and exhilarating.
This week my friend and I watched Spider-man Homecoming.. okay.. we watched it for like the 5th time.. but whatever.. the point of it is.. there's a moment where Peter is talking to Tony and he says, "You can't take this suit, I'm nothing without it"
Then Tony says, "If you are nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it."
Later when the story builds to the pinnacle Peter is crushed under half a building, and he's trying to stand... it's a very emotional moment for him while he's figuring out who he is without the fancy Spiderman suit Tony had given him. At one point in time he considers giving up, and kind of does for a moment while he's saying "who am I"... He eventually stands up and kicks butt. He figured it out. He figured out who he was on a deep and soul-crushing level.
He had what it took even though he didn't feel like he did.
We all have the weight of our own world on us at times, and sometimes when it's beating you down.. you may question and ask yourself.. do I have what it takes to get through this moment in time. Whether it's paying your rent, getting to your next destination, taking care of a screaming child, or just getting out of bed in the morning, we will all question it, and many even question ourselves many times over. The universe pulls together to help us unlock those deeper versions of ourselves.
When you are struggling maybe watch that Spiderman scene, and tell yourself that you have what it takes. Take heart in the fact that you are not alone in feeling that you are being crushed, pushed past the breaking point.
There are moments in life when you won't feel strong enough.. hell.. that's half the reason I'm rambling about this right now. I don't feel like I have what it takes to go through what I'm going through. Right now and many times over the past couple of weeks I've told myself that I'm nothing without....... (fill in the blank) but then I saw that movie again and it jogged my memory to every time in the past I've felt this way. Each time something new comes up, I don't feel strong enough, and it's because I'm not. I need to learn who I am deep down in comparison to what I'm going through. That's how you build it.
You can find a way. Take some big, deep breaths (no matter how painful they are) and take that step, push a little harder, stand back up again, fake a smile, or just keep moving. Whatever it takes, we are humans and humans get back up, we fail and we keep going, but the coolest part is.. we have what it takes to be who we want to be.. we just have to stop selling ourselves short. We don't need the figurative fancy spider suit.. we just need to believe in ourselves.
I need to believe in myself.